Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize