her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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