the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
