I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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