I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
