A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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