DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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