i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my being single is dangerous.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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