I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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