I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
third nipple confirmed
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
