That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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