Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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