Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
