I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
