That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm just crazy horny about you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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