Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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