i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
