Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
