hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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