where does the pee come out of this thing
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
