if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
