i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
