I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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