1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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