The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
