Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
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You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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