Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
