I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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