you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
