i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
