I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
