I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
