Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
