How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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