My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
