guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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