Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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