just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's just like the Real World with babies
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
