the condom got lost in my hair
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
