The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Life is so much better after having sex.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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