is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
