I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
