i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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