I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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