She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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