Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
