you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
