OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
