Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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