He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there was a trapeze. enough said
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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