who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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