Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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