the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
