i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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