Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize