She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
