6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize