dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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