well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
