So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I just sharted jello shots
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