Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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